Monday, May 17, 2010

Teaseeee

Dear Red Sox,
I'm your biggest fan and all, but you're playing some really shitty baseball. I'm only hard on you because I know you can do much better Papelbon. Get it together boys!

On that note...Tease!

6 comments:

Vee said...

You just write the most brill lines. Love this one: "For a few, static seconds, this moment was all that mattered in the world."

As always, flow and voice are amazing :D

Ellen said...

Harmony is even more awesome now :) I so want to know what prank they're plotting. Great visuals in this scene!

TheGotYA said...

Love what's going on in this scene, and the descriptions really help to set it off. Loved these lines:

Harmony exhaled loudly, harsh wing beats of warm air across my face, her tan thighs gleaming beneath black shorts, and shook her head.

Absolutely. First prank of the summer is the best. It's like that first time you're naked with someone. And you know, theoretically, that they're going to be soft and warm, because you're soft in warm, but they're so much warmer and smoother than you thought. You know?” She looked up at me, moonlight bouncing off her face, and I nodded without thinking. I had no idea what she was talking about, because I'd never been naked with anyone, but I wasn't about to admit that to this beautiful, experienced girl in the hushed stillness of night when we weren't even supposed to be speaking.


Great chemistry with the characters as well.

Bri said...

I absolutely loved this. I felt like I was right there with your characters; you brought me back to my days at camp. I really loved the comparison to being naked with someone for the first time. That was brilliant. Amazing tease!

Kate Hart said...

"Boobs just weren't worth it." LOVE it. LOL

Karla Nellenbach said...

dude, i need theme music...and i won't lie. i totally snickered when i read hard on in your letter to the sox...yeah, i need a life, i know :)