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About Me
- LizPage
- I'm a young adult writer with a penchant for reading, writing and drinking insane amounts of coffee. I'm an insomniac with a habit of late night blogging/reading/marathoning Criminal Minds. I'd love to hear from you so don't hesitate to drop a line!
13 comments:
Wow, intense opening scene.
My only suggestion is to watch out for using "shooting" ("shooting Hurley apologetic eyes") in an unrelated way in the same paragraph about guns and hunting
Crazy intense! I liked it a lot. I mean, that opening...whoa.
See? People like this! The beginning is great...just keep plowing through and it'll work itself out! I know, I know! I still need to get three back to you and I need to get bandgeeks back...I brought the file to work and will be slogging my way through :)
PS my word is snabl...sounds fun and kinda dirty ;)
Whoa, intense! I like it. Only problem for me is that the name "Hurley" will always mean LOST to me, now.
I have to do something while I wait for beta comments on band geeks.
We're workin on it! Hold your horses! ;)
This is really good, IMO. And what's this about ghost hunting? *sits up* I love ghosts!! :D
Wow, intense! I LOVE it! Normally I won't read teasers this long, but once I got started there was no way I could stop =D You have to keep writing. Just push on through and everything will fall into place! Any issues can always be fixed in revisions.
I LOVE this scene. Super intense, you just can't stop reading :D
One question I had, around this line: "“It's okay, kid,” he said, even though Charlie hated that. She was twenty-years-old damn it, she wasn't some little brat." I wasn't sure who's head we were inside anymore. I thought we were getting the scene from Hurley's POV, but I wasn't sure if they switched (since just before that it said "so innately Dad that it made Charlie's chest ache" <-- and that's an internal view of Charlie's). That's the only point that confused me though! Just wasn't sure which one of them was 12.
Pleeease keep writing this though! I wants to read mooore. I love the screwed-up relationship with their dad too, seems realistic.
I was confused by the seeming switch in POV, but you do a great job of making things feel immediate and real. Exciting snip!
This was so intense. I want more! Awesome tease!
Dude, not to echo everyone else, but this is so intense and intriguing! You have me hooked :)
A great start, really. Was a bit knocked off by your choice of third person omni (switching POVs between characters), cos I guess I miss your first person POV's, but this is really good. It's got a Supernatural vibe, but with chicks! Damn!
This is a great beginning! Intense and leaves a lot of questions. The pov is interesting to me, I really thought it was first and had to read several times to see who the narrator was.
P.S. - this was so good, I gave you a blog award :D
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